My serenity blog

Controversy of a white woman

Valerie — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:47:57 +0000

Why does American society absolutely finds a need to tag stereotypes unto white women who so happen to be involved in interracial marriages. Does it give the average Joe/Jane a reason NOT to look in the mirror and seek his own person and make changes?
Why does my preference have to have a small print that explains why I married an African-American man. Eyes stare and automatically, I am easy, overweight maybe…rejected by the white male so I had to go to the “next best” thing. Maybe I am just his play thing, he couldn’t possibly be serious about a white woman! As soon as a better alternative shows up, black of course, then he will hop to her if he knows what’s good for him. Another black man, taken from the black market by a white female, WHAT A SHAME! Sell out! Trash!
What makes you all think that I am unfit or unable to be a good wife to my husband because I am not the same race as him? How retarded does that sound?
Fingers point and hatred is transmitted by people who’s ignorance will never allow them to truly love anyone deeply. Because they live in a box, their minds are small and short. No matter their financial rank or corporate title, they are unable to see past the surface, unable to love the way God loves each one of us, unconditionally.
Here is my story.
I am french Canadian of European descent. I didn’t grow up around many black people. Racism was not part of my language. America set the rules for me at the age of 14 when my family moved to Florida. Being attracted to other cultures was in my nature, since I myself was considered UNamerican. Being an immigrant and placed in ESOL program exposed me to all different races and I made friends. I dated White, Spanish and African- American boys in high school, including other black cultures like Jamaican,Bahamian and Haitian. I could relate, because although you could never tell by looking at me, I was not from America. Dating outside of my race became my preference. Not because I disliked white men, but I just was not attracted to them physically or mentally. Point blank period!!!!
Just like any teenage girl with low self esteem, I fell for the bad boy type. Loved the swag and “don’t care” attitude. My standard was very low, but that has NOTHING to do with my preference… eventually as I matured, I realized that there was no such thing as “too nice” to describe a man. What I was really saying is that I didn’t deserve nice. God changed my mind set. I still had the same preference, but my standard increased dramatically. If I wanted a healthy marriage with a family that was anywhere close to functional, I had to start making better choices in men. NOTHING to do with my preference, dating a man that was “too nice” became an absolute must. Looking back, there were a few that I turned away for being “too nice” and I kicked myself for losing their numbers. Still I was very much attracted to other cultures, I always have been fascinated by exotic looks and attitudes. As a single woman in my mid twenties, I dated men who were educated and had traveled. That was important to me because I needed someone with substance, who could think outside the box.I grew to love Hip Hop, Reggae, Salsa and Meringue…I can appreciate a man who is very well rounded at heart. I grew to appreciate a man who loves his mom, his family and someone who has had some kind of struggle. Because I can relate to that, not having been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I needed a man who didn’t take success for granted, as I don’t….but that is not why I prefer dating out of my race!
I am so sick of the white women stereotypes.
My soul sisters don’t see me as having taken one of a few black men left….they see me happy, they consider me a human being who can see past skin color…and seeks the heart.
If you think I stole one in a few good black men left.. THAN DATE OUTSIDE YOUR RACE TOO! You never know who you will find and what you will experience. Good men come in all colors.. and scum bags too!
I am attracted to physical first, but by no means does that say ” if you’re not white I will date you!” I don’t date just any man because he’s a black man…there is so much more to me than that! Just like any good woman, I will turn a man down if he doesn’t fit my standard! I am not weak, easy or desperate. But I do have a preference. Just like some women like men with blond hair or dark hair.. or some women like men who are thinner…taller, wider..ect Does that mean that she will date just ANY blond man that comes along. GIVE ME A BREAK!
In my eyes, my husband is extremely sexy, intelligent, educated, strong willed and I am infatuated with him…more everyday. Although his looks attracted me first, I no longer see them now. I see his soul.
To you racists, no matter what your level of hypocrisy, who smile in our face and then talk behind our back, I don’t need your approval, I am doing EXACTLY what God has asked of me, what about you?
I am in a loving marriage with children who will know the meaning of true love, family values and hopefully become model citizens someday who love the lord… unlike you! I teach my daughter that we are all like pencils…just different shades, but we are all needed to paint a pretty picture, otherwise it would be boring…with just one shade.
Yes I have a preference, just like anyone else, but we who love outside of own race, are misunderstood.

www.avonmom.com

Reflections of a step-mom

Valerie — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 01:47:07 +0000

I remember the first day I met you, I had butterflies in my belly, like I was a school girl making a new friend. Wondering if you’d like me, if you’d let me hold your hand. I will never forget how you asked me on that very first day, if you could call me mommy.” I don’t think your mommy would like that” I replied, touched and thankful that in your heart, you allowed me to be. We grew closer with time, we laughed, had fun, you are one in a million.
A great big sister you were, there was a bond from the start. You looked after her, she made you giggle, she wanted to be just like you. She still does.
Not sure when things turned around, or when the smiles turned to frowns. My intentions were pure and true, that never changed towards you. Maybe I tried too hard, maybe I gave too much of me. Maybe I OVER cared or OVER loved. One thing I know now, no matter how much you love a child by choice. You must always keep in mind, there is another party. When that influence is dark and tinted, when lies are told and the truth is faded, there is not much to do. Step-mothers like me suffer in silence. Because we desire to be part of your life so badly and for you to be part of ours. But that is taken from you, by the words of a woman you adore more than any other person on this earth. Who will you listen to? Who will you believe? Of course your mother, I would have done the same as you. There is just one thing I need you to know, my beloved. It’s that on the day, you may need me. I will be there. When for some strange reason you decide to reach out to me, I will be there. Like a tree, that is rooted by your window, day and night. I will be there. All you have to do is extend your hand and I will show you that all along, I have loved you from afar. Hurt by your rejection yet knowing enough to know it wasn’t your fault. None of it is. If I had ten children, I would still love you this much! Because love always grows, the more people there is to love, the more love abounds. No one has to choose ONE person to love. Just like you don’t have to choose either. You can love us both and have us both. Because step-mother’s are mothers too…and step-daughters are daughters too.That is what you are to me, you always have been and you will always be. I love you Lexus.

www.avonmom.com

Pressure

Valerie — Wed, 05 May 2010 21:53:10 +0000

Pressure to always be

The best, stand out from the rest

Most sophisticated, highest educated

I wish I could just relax and be ME

FREE my mind of all the misery

There’s no sympathy

You feeling me?

I can’t stand the band that goes on and on and on an

It never stops the pressure increases

Responsibilities, planning for future retirement

Rat race, Rat wheel it stops when I’m under 6 feet

Pressure Pressure to always be better

Never good enough, never just whatever

Never truly able to let go and let flow

Control, power, never ending sour

The weight of this battle is taking me over

Pressure Pressure intense demands of man

..and that’s just me imagine the President?

My husband wants me to be perfect at all times

My daughter wants me to be super day in and day out

My son wants a mom who never gets rest

My God wants me to be just like HIM

My mom wants me to be happy and smile, life is grand

Where can I go to just BE

If I could just BE… would I even know WHO to be..

or HOW to be?

With no one wanting me to produce this or give them that

Without any expectations just space, void, null….just exist

Somehow I feel so lost in all of this

www.avonmom.com

Can I have a boyfriend?

Valerie — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 03:48:37 +0000

She’s almost six

For her birthday she wants a pillow pet…a unicorn.

She is a ray of sunshine, so bubbly so innocent

Today she asked me for a “boyfriend!”

Her: “Mom, can Ashton be my boyfriend?”

Me:” What’s a boyfriend?” (While trying to block all insane thoughts from my brain and maintain composure.)

Her:” you know, a boy who’s a friend. Every girl in my class has a boyfriend and they talk about who they like and stuff!”

Me: SIGH

Her: ” I really like Ashton, he’s handsome and nice and he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

Me: Okay, but were all God’s children and so Ashton is really your brother!? ( WHAT??? WHAT AM I SAYING!?)

Her: “Oh so Ashton is my brother?”

Me:” NOOOOO! Truth is, there really is no boyfriend/girlfriend thing, it’s all make belief you see, were all God’s children and God wants us all to be friends like brothers and sisters. ( STILL EXTREMELY CONFUSING!MOM!!)

Okay STOP! What am I supposed to say? I’m on the spot, light shining right in my face, I’m stunned, pick up my jaw from the floor please dust it off, I THOUGHT this was a PRE-TEEN conversation!!! Not ready for this in KINDERGARTEN! I need 5-10 more.. YEARS not minutes to think about a response!

Her: ” Mom, you’re confusing me now with the brother/sister thing.”

Me:” Yes I know, very confusing, ok…boyfriends are just boy that are friends, so don’t have just one, be friends with as may boys as you like honey.” ( AHHH that was much better, still weak in the knees though.)

Later on after her two baby brothers were in bed I said” you know Amaya, I do like Ashton, he’s a very nice boy. But I just don’t think boyfriends are a good idea right now, you can be friends with Ashton and that is just perfect.

Her: ” Ok mom, thanks mom!”

Me: ” Ok honey…(I think..lol)”

I am dreading it, the day when my daughter will start to date, URGH!

For now, she is still my sweet little angel, untainted (somewhat) and mommy’s girl. Shame on you world for allowing her to grow so fast and allowing me to get old even faster! Amaya when you do start dating, I hope you still come to me to talk, even if I do freak out, it’s only because I want to protect you from what I went through, but I promise to keep in mind that you do have to live your own experiences in order to grow. I will always be here for you, as long as you let me.

I heart you. Mom

Amaya age 3 below.

Happy Birthday Annie!!!

Valerie — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 02:27:44 +0000

Today is my friend Annie’s birthday. This is what Annie and I looked like when we first met.

Annie is the kind of person you only meet once in a lifetime. She gives everything to everyone and never hesitates to help in any situation. She wears her heart on her sleeve and knows how to really laugh with you and hurt with you when the time calls. She has an amazing talent…

This is one of her masterpieces, she creates beautiful hair and with her fingertips, she can make any kind of magic happen. Whatever you see in your mind as the perfect hairdo, she duplicates and exceeds your expectations. During her days, Annie does a lot of this…

DRIVING! That’s because for Annie, there is no limits to where she will go for the ones she loves. In her mind, anything is possible and she will make it happen even if it means pushing herself to the max. Business or pleasure, wherever she needs to be, she will go. One of her favorite places to visit is…

Montreal, Canada. She could travel the world but for her, it would never be as great as the love, food and time spent in her native land. This is Annie and her big brother Eric who lives in Montreal.

Her favorite people in the world. Her family! Every minute with them goes by too fast and she dreams about getting back to them, even as she leaves them to return home to …

Florida! This is a view from her backyard. Breathtaking! A house is a building, but Annie has more than that, she and Wayne built a home, a place of refuge from the world where they created a nest for…

the family they have together, three beautiful children and one on the way..can anyone be more blessed? Surrounded with little hugs and kisses and I love you’s, she would give the world for her children. She is a great mom, don’t take it from me, her kids will tell you the same! I can’t forget to mention…

Wayne, the love of her life. Her high school sweetie, they are a true example of love. They have grown together in so many ways and have surpassed all odds. Not by chance, not by luck, but by unconditionnal love, work and patience. They have been married over 13 years and I applaud them for never giving up on the bigger picture. Through them I have seen what marriage is all about.

Those are Annie’s amazing kids. All three of them are special and wonderful kids!As beautiful as they are on the outside, it doesn’t come close to how beautiful their little hearts are. She teaches them about loving your neighbor, fairness, sharing and giving. Taking a stand for what you love and what you believe…

and about the importance of giving back.

One of my favorite thing about Annie is…

her silly side. She can make anyone laugh to tears, when you’re lucky to be one who is close to her and see her silly side, that’s the moment where you can’t get enough of her.

She is a beautiful person, I don’t think she ever truly believed it, she never gives herself enough credit. Today being her birthday, I hope she feels as beautiful as she is to me.

I wish for her so much joy and happiness,a long life with her children, a long peaceful marriage with her husband. I wish her success in everything she touches and believes in. I wish her health and all her dreams come true. To dance like no one is watching and sing like no one is listening. Most of all Annie…

I wish you all your wishes to come true. Happy 35th Birthday to the best friend I ever had!!!

Walking in Memphis

Valerie — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 04:06:20 +0000

Walking in Memphis by Mark Cohn,
I heard this song a thousand times in the last 16 years
Today is became my song
I just moved here in Memphis
And I am adjusting rather slowly
I have more blue moments now than I ever had before
And this song touched me today
As I was driving back from handing out my Avon brochures
I just felt it to the bone marrow
Walking in Memphis
Walking with my feet 10 feet off of Beale
Walking in Memphis
Do you really feel the way I feel?
I miss my best friend, my sister Annie
I know she’s busy, I am too
But without her I just feel so alone
It’s not just her, it’s the ocean, the warmth if the sun
Now that i’m away.. it feels like this is just not HOME
Memphis with it’s country appeal and blues
Beale Street is nothing compared to Downtown Ft Lauderdale
I could kiss the ground if I was there
Even with a margarita or two
I’d be so thankful, wouldn’t know what to do
Came to be closer to family,
yet seems like I left my family there
isn’t that just crazy?
Insane, Insane Insane
That’s my favorite word now.. Insane
I use it every time I watch the news in Memphis
I love you America, I love you for adopting me
You have so many places to see
And you are the land of the free
FREE…whatever that may mean
Free because I write this blog you see
Free because I can be what I dream to be
Free because I control some of where I want to be
Free?? Nothing is free, yet you have to give something free
Everybody loves something free
I wonder what’s free in Memphis
Maybe I could ask the homeless man at Walmart
I love Memphis, I see the glass half full
I am learning that I can learn to live anywhere
I am resilient, I bounce back.
I learned to live in Windsor in 6th grade
Transfered half way through the year, not knowing a word of english
I still passed and went on to 7th grade.. don’t ask me how though
I adjusted going back to Quebec and then to South FLA
I have a gift, to welcome and embrace change
No matter how big
No matter how strong
I will always welcome what God gives
I want to always welcome what you give
You own me no matter where I walk
In Memphis, in the dark.

~ www.avonmom.com

Love has a color

Valerie — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:59:18 +0000

It goes beyond an experiment or fad

It drives me wild and mad

I dream about him day and night

I want him near when he’s away

His hands, his broad shoulders

He is candy to my eyes

His heart and his love

He is my rock from above

Our love is easy and true

Our path is never boring

Our marriage always growing

Thanking God for challenges

That we turn into stepping stones

Help us to never allow em block our way

In front of us, you must always stay

What God brings together, no man tear apart

This love goes so far beyond the heart

It’s commitment and loyalty

It’s communication and empathy

My husband, my friend, mon ami

The father of my children, all three

I love how you hold me

I am in love with you solely

And mate to my soul you are

Together we have come so far

Some say love has no color

For me it’s black and white

There is no shade of grey

Black coffee with vanilla sweet

Smooth chocolate with coconut cream

So much more than skin shades

So much deeper than razor blades

Could ever cut into or slice

So blessed to have the happy ending

So humbled by what God keeps sending

Everyday that we’re together

Life just keeps on getting better

For me love does have a color

It’s black and white

No shades of grey

~www.avonmom.com

Broken Trust

Valerie — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:00:18 +0000

Without TRUST you have NOTHING

Have you ever heard that saying?

Whoever said that must have never been hurt by someone they loved

Never been let down by someone they trusted

Never had to survive a broken promise

and surely was never told a lie..even a white one

TRUST..what is it anyway?

Per Webster: One in which confidence is placed

So let me get this one straight

If my confidence is not placed in you, then I have NOTHING with you?

Don’t you have to show me that in you I can place my confidence?

Confidence cannot just be placed…

Maybe I have it all wrong, maybe I made a mistake

If I continue to fail you, how I can expect you to TRUST that I will come through?

That I will make the right choices and carry you

If I break 100 promises and keep 5

What fool would trust that I would keep any after that?

So bottom line is, if you don’t have trust you still have SOMETHING

You may love a person and still have difficulty with trust

Not because of YOU, but because of what THEY lost

They lost your confidence in THEM

And regaining it? Does that truly ever happen?

Seems to me the wound is just bandaged for a while and continues to open

Every time disapointment comes around

Every time a doubt decides to flair up

Then it’s a waterfall of what ifs and second guesses

All over the floor and walls the blood pours out or that same old wound

Forgiveness, maybe that will help…

But is forgiveness the band-aid that clots the surface?

What is it that trully makes it heal through

God? Time? Maybe just getting rid of you!

Just don’t ever think you’re the one insecure because you can’t trust

Because sister, we can go there if it’s a must

“You’re SO insecure”

OH I WONDER WHY?

Maybe it’s who you’ve taken to lunch

Or why your baby mama calls you a bunch

Or maybe it’s the crazy ex girlfriend conversations

Not telling her you’re married.. because you care about HER reaction?

NO, you’re not insecure my sister, YOU GOT SENSE.

Cause if I were you, I’d have a hard time too

It’s a fine line between Staying and Leaving

..and when you have children, you wanna keep keeping

Never give someone else the satisfaction

Of breaking your family up

But in the mean time, back to TRUST

I am still searching how to start the healing

Not the band-aid, the forgiveness…

I need to heal what’s underneath..the rest.

~www.avonmom.com

Queen Esther’s funeral

Valerie — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:12:39 +0000

A little girl with ripped stockings, melted my soul this Sunday morning
Sitting at Aunt Queen Esther’s funeral
Her hair, short bob, brown, dirty strands some in her mouth
Her shoes, the kind that make noise on tile
White church shoes with the straps, shiny yet faded
It’s one thing to be poor, and have a three children
It’s another thing to not bathe them, for a funeral
Dirty fingernails on her little hands, wrapped around her moma’s neck
As she sat on her lap this cold February morning
I wanted to nurture her, hold her, give her the world
I was humbled by her stare, why can’t she read my mind
Why can’t I take them all, save them all as mine
Her mother, clearly a good one
Held another little girl, one on each lap… a mourning one
This one was clearly not hers
She was clean, cute as a little pearl
Dark Skinned.. a little princess
But SHE cried like none of the rest
Brought tears to my eyes I tell you
The way she went on and on pierced me right through
Oh did I want to hold her too
I heard the woman’s voice tell her “Grand-ma loved you”
“Grand-ma will always be in your heart and never leave you.”
I’m sure this was Kim’s daughter, Kim who passed
Grand-ma was raising her.. now she passed too
Who gonna love her now, who ‘s gonna be there?
I tell you, sometimes life just IS NOT FAIR!
Why can’t we just be rich, and raise them all, save them all!?
Why can’t we carry their little burden
Why do they have to suffer, the children
My soul cries out OH LORD HELP THEM
Sometimes, only YOU can
Provide for them and guide them
Give them MORE, more than survival
My spirit cries to you father
Show me how I can do my part to help my brother
You know my heart, you know I care
Show me the way…open the door, make me obey
STOP ME FROM TURNING AWAY.

www.avonmom.com

Not a Commercial Blog

Valerie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 23:19:23 +0000

This is not a commercial blog, I am a mom who sells Avon, I love it.. I do want to blog about what I love. I love it because it is positive and refreshing, don’t get me wrong, it’s very hard work. I can hand out brochures to 100 people before I get one client…and online? Let’s not assume that just because I have a website now, that everyone will rush to it with their credit card. I have to promote this site, promoting a site online is a brand new animal for me. WOW how overwhelming, the more I read about it, the less I know. It can be discouraging. There are moments when a little voice inside says ” who are you kidding? this will never work for you.” I refuse to listen to this voice, because I know it takes time. I mentioned positive and refreshing, it feels so good to be part of a company who has a bigger voice than I, Avon supports breast cancer and gives to victims of domestic violence. It also is giving $1 million dollars to Haiti for the earthquake relief. I feel proud to be part of that. Refreshing because Avon allows me to work my own schedule, I get up everyday smiling and loving what I do, there is not a day I regret making the decision to become an Avon Representative. I know a lot more women could sell Avon, the cost to sign up is $10 and you need no overhead or a big closet filled with stuff you’ll never sell. All you need is your brochure, your store. Everything else is up to you. College girls could make extra money doing this, just selling to their friends and friends of friends, full time working moms could do this to supplement income, I just don’t see a reason why women all over this country would not want to work with Avon. I guess some people are not as motivated as others, or may not have the interest in it. I feel like I have something of my own, although Avon is a trusted brand that has been around for 120 years, I have no one breathing down my neck all day, going over my work and questioning what I do. I don’t ever wonder weather I’m gonna get laid off or feel like I’m unappreciated. I am not the most motivated person, I could work harder, I could do more. But the great thing about Avon is… I work at my own pace, I give my all… the ALL that I have to give today. I am so thankful and extremely humbled by Avon and the opportunity I have been given. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this amazing position, let me never take it for granted but rather, help me be a tool that will share it with other women, and empower them with the same blessing you’ve given me.
www.avonmom.com